promise what you may

i looked at the tiny bottom right of my phone screen. of course, there it is, 1-Oct-09, blatantly staring back at me.
i can faintly smell 2o1o already, and i have a feeling october will be just supersonic.
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we were in the room with peeling walls. there we were- the bully, the companion, the story teller. here we are now- the young adult, the person you hear from once in a very long while, the person you have never met for 3 years straight.

tabaloi

i dislike comparisons and life is so much easier without them, but-
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right now i see the fluorescent dyes and i can't wait to draw. i see the coarse black paper and plain old fabric and something in me lights up. i wish that ___ is/are a blank canvas and i can do about anything i like. i can go on this crazy coloring frenzy, snipping frenzy, dipping frenzy. wishful and wistful thinking don't always go along with reality.

there's this sinking feeling inside of me, like rose watching jack submerging into the darkness of the ocean, like clare watching henry with his innards spilling out amidst the new year party crowd and can do nothing about it. except this time, the wooden plank suddenly expands and jack can share a portion of it. except this time, henry has cell regenerative power.

more

we do the things we do.

passion
.
" When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything in perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. "

-1 Cor 13:11

there, said.

P (del) = 1

sometimes i don't know if humans enjoy being elusive or what

white

" ...his dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms,
longed for as the sunwarmed earth is longed for by a swimmer,
spent in rough water as his ship went down,
under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea
...
in joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind."

The Odyssey, Homer

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i dont know if this feeling is identified with temporary relief, i wish so much that-

mocks are over, will be, in about 10 hours time :)
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and sometimes what you seem so sure about, can suddenly doesn't seem so in just a split second.

role play

just thought i would yabber on a little more before i actually start studying. [10.30pm] SMS was good, and nine is in my hands already, can't wait to start after mocks, which is this friday. T.g.i.f. will be really apt.
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I met a sweet precocious little girl today and I asked her questions inquisitively. She didn't really reply much and that's when I realized that now, I'm the big weird stranger who poses weird unnecessary questions that you don't like to answer to. I'm the weird stranger that looks at you making you really uncomfortable during playtime. mm, time flies

go

we're timid people. stepping out, going out, from our little fortress of comfort can get pretty scary at times. we take the leap forward, yet we'll always want to look behind. that's when you hear a little voice nudging you, "go", and you do. no matter how scared you are, no matter how worried you are, no matter how trepid your steps are, you do.

oh

there's this little insect aeroplane flying about the room in circles now. it is lost, it looks like it is just merely searching for a snug cozy place to dream tonight. just simple harmless intentions like that, but right now it's swayed about wildly by the mad air current driven by the fan. bobbing up and down, round and round, sometimes inching closer to me. it's caught in this massive tornado, crying out for help and a ground to land safely. even so, i would very much like my bed to myself, please don't land on it, please............it just did.

update: my roommate, syl, just squished it.

black

some light stuff,

i thought my arm looked so very disjointed

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it's 18th of september today, my exam finishes on the 25th, that brings september to an end; then october would come, dragging along some reluctance but more happy findings; after that - november, she be spinning down the road with joy (WACE);

alas... we see december, climbing her long way up, and then, break into a smile.

what i've caught

" The current status of our life today is the result of the sum of all the decisions we made over the years."

" You must see the invisible to do the impossible."

Dato' Edward Ong, 2009.

this post remains empty

i tried to do handstands for you
i tried to do headstands for you
but everytime i fell on you
i'm permanently black and blue
permanently blue for you

hums
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if there had been a seed that grows my thoughts into leaves and a full grown plant with eloquent words tumbling down onto the soil, i'd say all i see in its position now is a patch of dry cracked ground with a slightly sinking surface where the plant was forcefully removed, for now, only now.
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sometimes i like to walk really slowly as i think, it is as if i'm leaving a trail of thoughts behind as me as i push apart the passage of the air i just walked through, filling the void with my little floating but solid pieces of thoughts

it's been hours now, i can't concentrate, i keep thinking about december, christmas, new year, and how to spend them with all the different geographically placed people i love. econs, go fly kite! or maybe i should just be more focused

lids

im typing in complete darkness, except for the glaring screen of course.
[while studying for econs]
i had this recollection of us, queuing up before entering the hall to sit for UPSR. everything felt so real. the basketball field, the sunlight, our childish anxious faces and sharpened 2B pencils. i thought to myself at that time, it'll still be a very long way till spm. i was wrong

laughing alone

WCA was awesome. my september eleven was well spent. will post up strong statements from the two millionaires soon. our God is a BIG God. and now, for more exam related rants, stay tuned.

i think timor leste sounds cute

rush

spin
my head is a super massive heart of a tornado

I'm doing my best. Lord help me remove them butterflies in my stomach. thanks
.
September will be over real quick, Christmas will be coming real quick. this year will be over real quick, uni will be coming real quick. ahh Christmas.. Christmas, can I divide myself into halves?

faith

i'm believing
faith without action is dead (yes li, He puts us on the same page:) )
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it's raining outside, pitter patter, and the smell that comes with it lingers faintly at the window;
before that the gushing of the wind was felt.
i was not much of a fan of that until today

sugar house

it's 1.30 in the morning, and while sugar house is playing quietly, "a kiss is all...", i'm here, here and now, supposedly on a study whim but no i'm being melancholic again. i need to stop vomitting words dont you think?

i wonder
[recollecting my thoughts]
process completion

goodnight

thank you

there's no reason why i can't do this, no reason.
.
i realise that we must overcome, as much as it is uncomfortable, as much as it means putting your guard down for once, as much as it means people will see you, as much as it means you might wobble and fall and then make a big boo boo out of yourself. yes as much as that, you will eventually stand up, and be able to tell the world that- you have overcome. realisation is one thing, doing is another.
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God paints a beautiful picture. Looking through our own eyes, it seems very much ordinary and pallid but picturing it through his eyes, it's beautiful, really.

"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow, from stealing all my time."

I used to like Jason Wade.

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart, that's still beating."

exceedingly heart wrenching when it is used as a sountrack, especially in the movie adaptation of one of my favourite books.
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So this is it, first day of september gone. Time, please stay longer.
Now let me retreat into my nerd shell and finish what's supposed to be finished.

respite:
1) i banged my head while taking a shower but it didn't hurt at all.
2) i'm getting there.
3) guys can get pregnant on facebook, or well, predicted to be.
4) i didn't realise that i was staring at the blinking cursor on the google search bar whilst listening to the background music playing for quite a long while