jelly beans and rice

and so i attempt to pen(type) down details for as much as i can remember. but time itself is finite, we only have this much.

can you hear april sounding? this friday is Good Friday. this week proves to be a crucial week for many, i myself is no exception. but i want to be better.

A quarter of 2010 sliced away, and i ask myself- what do i do to make it worth? He tells me the answer. and, the past three months have been superb

it's never about the circumstances

i guess we could choose to. it is after all but a choice, a thin line curved between the two areas. minimal carrying too much weight. sometimes decisions get a bit tied up, then we should know better - leave the choosing to God

pending

and so it all started again, the whole hoo-ha, the little mountains. but i am glad for many other things, and to find myself made more courageous by Him, that was one.
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like always, you go to places, and i can't follow
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21 days of this commitment i made, i believe for much, believe with me.
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#1: Excuses can only get us that far.
#2: Preach the gospel, when necessary, use words.
#3: Being faithful with the little gives us more.
#4: It's the personal walk with God that makes us a great Christian.
#5: Take short accounts, that's how you win.
#6: It is not easy for you to miss God's will, if you really want to do it.
#7: You can't share what you don't have.
#8: God builds up new stories for you over the years!
#9: Every dream comes with a testing.
#10: Live like something big is going to happen tomorrow.

closure

refresh

today was another day. like all others days, He spoke.

lineage

Haven't been coming back to this space for a long time now. Today's the 20th of Feb, 51 days of 2010 is gone/strategically used. I'd like to believe the latter, which rest assured, IS true! Less of me, more of Him.
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Even as I'm typing this, my head is spinning, like the whirring of a washing machine. I'm determined not to make any boo-boos that I would regret at the end of this year. I'm geared up for March and even as that part of me might be stumped, I choose to turned it into a lesson, a lesson learnt.
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If I could say that, I would, but it is not right.

because i guess

and the old wives' tale rewind again. i listen, i try to retort but i can't, then again i was never good at retorting.
it was true at some points, i kept silent.

humans are always so weak, so fragile, so deceitful, so selfish. i thank Him for changing us, at least one step at a time.

this whole journey opened up my eyes. shifted my perspective, nudge me right on my forehead. what is exciting? really, really exciting? knowing He got it all planned out for you.

all i have to do is ask.

mid

let's see how this goes. He is definitely in the picture.
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there and then the foolish emotions drain you dry. i was reminded again of faults, of whys, of my own selfish reasons. there and then i had a slight glimpse of the real thing. and i learnt, I - me - myself, sometimes it just doesn't fit in with His plans. sometimes that's all it takes for the xx.xx

i now know why, i now think i know why. i want to see it happen by 30-12-2010.
help me with this, will You?

yet again, joseph inspired.

ecclesiastes

3

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

closure

as we come to an end, i give thanks, even for the simplest of things.

this year has been infinitely great, and it is only the beginning. of the ups and downs, sideways swerving, crazy moments, i will need to embrace myself because darn, let's face it, there are many many more crazyx1000 moments to come.

yes, words fail me but i attempt.

sometimes archives serve as a chart/reminder (painful or not) because you can look through them, and measure your growth, if any. i look at april, and some juncture before that, I thank God He brought me through step by step, to a place where amazing grace, love, mercy, just overwhelm me.

there are yet so many boxes to be open, so many difficult moments, so many I-don't-know's and I'm-not-sure's. But I lean on the fact that He never fails, He is always listening, and we should always be trusting.

most of all, i want to be that person He wants me to be, especially in 2029.

words still fail, but at least, i tried.

brf

again, reminded. i lift it all up to You :)
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next year will be crazy, crazy fun. i'm looking forward, and feeling excited over just handing in my application. it will be amazing, and i'd really like to equip myself before starting uni. i hope my parents are happy. 29th Dec will be tense, but i know i have God, and He's on my side.
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will need to do some last minute packing and cleaning tomorrow, and run around coll a little.

sunshine

lead me to the place, where I can see, amazing grace will carry me.

As I was stepping out, each step taken deliberately, the crunch of the gravel and soft sand, the sinking of the shoes in wet soil (mud) and lifting your feet up thereafter, the going up and coming down, the different sets of path and zones, and how it is always, always easy to follow others' preceding steps.

The maze of bushes, stumbling through the waist-high plants, waddling in ice-cold waters, with strong current rushing past your body and you cling on to big solid rocks. Stepping on stones, feeling the cold algae surface. Looking at how the kids live, they live simply.

Candles and generators, insects rejoicing with new food, bamboos, genuine happy smiles on people. How our Father is everywhere, omnipresent and big, how language is no barrier for us to communicate with Him. He listens to everyone everyday, since the beginning of time. He understands.

The two and a half days were well worth it. These are mere words, and some are still repressed.

molecules pt 2

so we sailed away into a gray sky morning
we all need to be watchful, at least I want to be watchful for when the time comes, I will run to Him.
sometimes we're like adhesive pieces, but yet i want so much to tear away, if only we don't make so much noise like Velcros.
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lately my sentences interject each other disorderly. ah, brains

vegetable cars

"guard your heart."
that's right.
"you suck at comforting."
that's also quite right. i need to learn, to fight out of those awkward moments and actually say something relevant or relatable.
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OA! oh, so excited!
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no additional distractions unless You permit, Lord.
and You always find ways to speak to me, thank You:)

like honeycomb

"pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24
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i should not have done that, but, i learnt. how easily can words slip out? too easily, too wrong, too uncalled for.

pincher

i can't grab hold of this year, it's flashing past way too fast. but i loved every bit, and i love and i will love.

nowadays i get a bit fidgety to know exams are going to end and that means college is too. (yes even though that does not make any tremendous difference on my part but the line 'college is going to end' sounds much too sophisticated to be left out.)

this weekend had been so so good. God is, always.
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"Night is weighing heavy now.
Be quiet and wait for a voice that will say

Come awake
From sleep, arise
You were dead
You’ve come alive

Wake up wake up
Open your eyes
Climb from your grave
Into the light."

wonka nerds rope

i am a sentimentalist, safe to say, and i 'd like to really just go by feelings and emotions sometimes. doing this thing makes me feel good, doing that makes me feel something, et cetera. but feelings, they'll drain you. today i learnt that feeling follows faith, it doesn't come first.

discipline is hard, if it is easy, you don't need discipline.

it is not submission if there is no disagreement.

the topic of faithfulness only comes up when you feel like giving up.

winning sundays

He is too great to give up on. felt secured and assured especially on the [moshpit] just now. and He spoke - "it is I. why do you plan so much?"

Jer 29-11-13:
For I know the plans i have for you, they are the plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope...

again, a gentle reminder - let go, let God.
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i am humbled

enclosed; opened

today i found out that oscar wilde is bisexual. he had a wife - charlotte lloyd, and yet he had an affair with alfred douglas.

today was like any other, but 7pm-8.30pm was brilliant. (go CR!)
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it rained today and i was (sort of) trapped in the library. it was interesting to see the rain pouring heavily outside yet everything is so calm and silent in the library. you can almost hear the swishing wind but all you see is the square frames of rain, like muted tv sets put together in electronics stores. you can almost smell them too, almost.

swollen eyes learn

everything was but a blur, everything but you.

what does it take for a man to lay it all down before God?
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before october takes on a mad spin, let me get this right, please.

sometimes words get choked up and never uttered, sometimes the wrong ones just spill out like wasted water. i do not want to do the latter, neither the former. help me Lord.

more

we do the things we do.

passion
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" When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything in perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. "

-1 Cor 13:11

there, said.