i'm determined.
i'm determined not to run solely on emotions again, ever.
"the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart."
.
quietly i wait.

crossing out the different tasks achieved. relieved, that in hindsight, i've left it all behind. like tearing off the pages you made a mess on, it gives you great comfort to know that the book is still pretty much very thick for you to fill in later on.

oh but don't tear too much on impulse

haitch

" And there are always people who find their lives have become so unsupportable they believe the best thing they could do would be to hasten their transition to another plane of existence.

It's like the people who believe they'll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but it doesn't work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you."

pending

and so it all started again, the whole hoo-ha, the little mountains. but i am glad for many other things, and to find myself made more courageous by Him, that was one.
.
like always, you go to places, and i can't follow
.
21 days of this commitment i made, i believe for much, believe with me.
.
#1: Excuses can only get us that far.
#2: Preach the gospel, when necessary, use words.
#3: Being faithful with the little gives us more.
#4: It's the personal walk with God that makes us a great Christian.
#5: Take short accounts, that's how you win.
#6: It is not easy for you to miss God's will, if you really want to do it.
#7: You can't share what you don't have.
#8: God builds up new stories for you over the years!
#9: Every dream comes with a testing.
#10: Live like something big is going to happen tomorrow.

closure

spotless mind

Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.

bream

you are a pretty little dewdrop
holding on for dear life
do you know that if you let go
you'd still survive?

you'd flow like the others into the stream
gushing and rushing; close to the brim
the pace of the path will be oh so swift
dangerously wild and only then life begins

wreath

odd little coloured papers,
shaped at wrong angles,
jut out in an awkward manner,
corners oppose each other,
she is torn asunder.

" I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days - three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain. "

John Keats

kicks

the atmosphere stiffened a little
everything at that point looked brittle
so we shall just remain like this till it's true
i wonder is that alright with you

dental products

if you want to sing out, sing out
.
sonic youth's superstar makes me :'(
.
oh thursday, sweet thursday.
.
disjointed sentences syndrome again, but i am trying.

wonka nerds rope

i am a sentimentalist, safe to say, and i 'd like to really just go by feelings and emotions sometimes. doing this thing makes me feel good, doing that makes me feel something, et cetera. but feelings, they'll drain you. today i learnt that feeling follows faith, it doesn't come first.

discipline is hard, if it is easy, you don't need discipline.

it is not submission if there is no disagreement.

the topic of faithfulness only comes up when you feel like giving up.

rolls

two more weeks till WACE. i have this deja vu feeling (spm, pmr... descend the chronological exam ladder?). december, won't you come already?

i am in love with december, so very much. there are just too many things i want to do, yet i know that like the last time, i will never actually be able to complete everything i've listed down.

a cup of sunshine

knowing you and knowing me, we are on this thin thread. tip-toeing, cautiously, because we can't afford to fall. i relinquish, you retrieve.

quite bluntly

October 5, 2009
because these are the things that i would blindly say to you, bluntly and blatantly too. and also because these are the words i could never bring myself to say to you in person, especially in person.

of climbing staircases

each step requires stupendous effort
.
i flipped my heart around
and i could clearly hear the sound
of ticks and chimes
frost and climbs
now begin my journey upward
into this beautiful unknown suburb

white

" ...his dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms,
longed for as the sunwarmed earth is longed for by a swimmer,
spent in rough water as his ship went down,
under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea
...
in joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind."

The Odyssey, Homer

.
i dont know if this feeling is identified with temporary relief, i wish so much that-

mocks are over, will be, in about 10 hours time :)
.
and sometimes what you seem so sure about, can suddenly doesn't seem so in just a split second.

thank you

there's no reason why i can't do this, no reason.
.
i realise that we must overcome, as much as it is uncomfortable, as much as it means putting your guard down for once, as much as it means people will see you, as much as it means you might wobble and fall and then make a big boo boo out of yourself. yes as much as that, you will eventually stand up, and be able to tell the world that- you have overcome. realisation is one thing, doing is another.
.
God paints a beautiful picture. Looking through our own eyes, it seems very much ordinary and pallid but picturing it through his eyes, it's beautiful, really.

"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow, from stealing all my time."

I used to like Jason Wade.

"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart, that's still beating."

exceedingly heart wrenching when it is used as a sountrack, especially in the movie adaptation of one of my favourite books.
.
So this is it, first day of september gone. Time, please stay longer.
Now let me retreat into my nerd shell and finish what's supposed to be finished.

respite:
1) i banged my head while taking a shower but it didn't hurt at all.
2) i'm getting there.
3) guys can get pregnant on facebook, or well, predicted to be.
4) i didn't realise that i was staring at the blinking cursor on the google search bar whilst listening to the background music playing for quite a long while

night lights and low tides

a covenant that needs to be kept
.
the rain reminds me of many things
these images playing in my mind, like old vintage films, grainy and soft;
loud and vivid, lighted just nicely.
all of these images, they envelop me

fuzzy
.

let us travel this distance
walk on stormy shores
walk on graveled path
walk on muddy lands
walk on damp grass
walk on clouds
walk on air

walk against the wind

walk within His boundaries

packet

i think emotions are really what will drive us mad one day. emotions are what will make us do impulsive things that we will regret. emotions are what will drain us and snap us out of our rationality. emotions are like blood icicles to the pack of hungry wolves.

our hearts are deceitful.
.
cling on to Him, and your faith. cling-
.

this is my red brick house

muffin + milk

. i am a tiny icon in your desktop
. good and tender music really works wonders.
. my brother is -
. i am thankful for a lot of things, you being one of them.