sometimes, i am at a loss for words.

un-chronologically

one day, i will tour the world or go backpacking in a foreign country

one day, i will go to one of those places you'd only see in movies and pause for a moment in that surreal realisation

one day, i will cycle or run like a crazy woman along a sunshiny beach for the 1038th time

one day, i will bungee jump

one day, i will visit a tree house

one day, i will cook a complete and edible meal

one day, i will drive and be able to see the front of my car

one day, i will graduate

one day, i will meet Destiny

one day, i will own a house and a car

one day, i will own a trampoline and a cool camera

one day, i will be wrinkly and probably smell like soap

one day, i will lose all my teeth

one day, i will ___

some day, i will face adversities

all days, life has to go on

(TBC, the list goes on)

there can be many "one-day's" in our lives, but i pray that those ''one-day's" will not be a hindrance in our lives, and what we can truly achieve. we live in the TODAY, and today, we are called to be world changers.

today, i am a world changer... and so are you.

love, uncommercialised

many humans love to take the 'love' game to their own hands. and that have been the root of problems we have in our society today, problems that really break.

many people are just in love with the idea of being in love. and their definition are many a times, inaccurate.

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Love comes from God. God's love, is beyond, what our human mind can imagine.

My fuel is that Love- that love that compels you to love others. sometimes, it's really not the word or tongues, but action and deeds .

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love." - Romans 8:38

i say, you can have many great story of love, songs about love, ideas about love, heck, movies about love (Titanic? no) but i know, the day that God sent His only son Jesus, to lay down His life for... me. (you too of course!) it's my Greatest Story of all times. (it beats all your chick and dude flicks like hands down, and the world's obsessive overrated view of The Notebook, i am sorry)

webs

and there are so many things that i wish to express to the world... some wake up calls i would like to make, all the people i would like to love and see more of them in my lives, strangers i would like to talk to, have warm or funny conversations with, opportunities to tell them about Daddy up there.

then there are ... people. acquaintances that turn into some people i do not quite recognize over the period of time that i would like to ask them "what happened?" they'd most probably shrug tell me "life" or, "get a life"

i think God does not put you in contact with a person's life if He has no intention of you playing a part in the other person's life at all. why do our paths cross? there must be a purpose. love relationship, hate relationship, love-hate relationship? He knows best.

i thank God for the people i've met and known more over the years. for some, i wonder which surface of the earth they're gracing now; for others, i see them virtually and get to sorta know how theyre doing through occasional social network updates or instant messaging means; for the rest, im just so very glad for them :) so very.

above all, my Best Friend. i love Him to bits

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i'm trying to be more specific these days, in terms of elaboration. i want to be less vague. this does not stem from Study Skills 101, e.g. "Make goals that are specific and less vague."

this is what i looked like today

so all of us have got stuff penned down deep. layers after layers, obscuring the seed of the problems. until something happens, and that monster rear its ugly head, we'll keep thinking that we can, we can. that we could shove it all down, and tell the mass crowd- "I'm ok", but we're not.

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tell

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i put down the phone and something grips me. sometimes we love to hold on to different things. we like that familiar feeling and motions. humans are habitual creatures, they say. but ive learnt over the years (well not that i've had that many years but im on my way) - clingy? not good. i guess it is just that part of us that won't let go. afraid that if you do, something scary and so terrifying will happen and knock you off your two feet. that's wrong. if only you'd let go, and let God, you'd be speaking a different language.

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we have different ideas of what we would be when we grow older. how we'd become, what kind of friends we'd have, what type of career we'd have, what kind of happyness we would pursue, the ideal life we'll be living, or at least, the ideal life shaped in such a way that it is us, we, us, we, him, maybe. and then He comes and changes the scenario. for that i am very, very, grateful.

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i used to have my own artpieces, complete with signature on bottom right and date. i used to draw, i find joy in drawing- anything. mostly, they were houses. how my dream house would look like, that perfect landscape, patio, and driveway, the gate arched that way, and the house joined to a tower. sometimes, they are underwater houses with submarine-like windows. i create the family that lives in the underwater house, i create that world, and i absolutely loved it- it had no possibilities, it had no restraints - anything can happen the way i want.

2002: i remember the first time i sketched a face- it was of Elijah Wood, probably because it was the easiest among all the other posters that the edition of Galaxie offered me. then i moved on to other faces and expressions- my parents' wedding portrait, and um, Eminem (i'm not very proud of this), etc. i continued doing that, and i got slightly better at it. i could sketch quite quickly, spot out the very prominent features and not so prominent ones, shade the cheekbone in the accurate shade, angle the lines and wrinkles correctly, make sure the texture of his hair was similarly so. all of them were neatly filed in a clear holder, and now, i don't even know where i keep that holder anymore, or was it out in the stash of rubbish that was cleared when we shifted.

this is me talking, a person who always loved creations, dead or alive, and view them more than what they are. this is me, made up with the same ADGC as anyone else albeit too much imagination going on up there. this is me, who for a long period of my live did not want to end up like those people you see on tv, dressed in suits, looking smug and boring.

2010: this is me at present- analysing annual reports in the dead of night, balancing balance sheets (sometimes i still don't), looking at the cold hard figures, and... i... actually don't see more than what they are - figures.

Heh.

and while

my room is now tinted with an almost perfect yellow hue of the afternoon sunshine. i come back to this familiar, yet uninteresting space. my thoughts the past few months have been coming and going, and He holds all things together. i wonder if yesterday or yesteryears moments could be relived. well i used to. but im looking onward, and while nostalgia can be a bittersweet thing curdling your emotions, im glad to be made stronger :)

we're in a system

To appreciate the relationship between parts and wholes in living systems, we do not need to study nature at the microscopic level.

If you gaze up at the nighttime sky, you see all of the sky visible from where you stand. Yet the pupil of your eye, fully open, is less than a centimeter across. Somehow, light from the whole of the sky must be present in the small space of your eye. And if your pupil were only half as large, or only one quarter as large, this would still be so. Light from the entirety of the nighttime sky is present in every space - no matter how small.

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This is exactly the same phenomenon evident in a hologram. The 3 dimensional image created by interacting laser beams can be cut in half indefinitely, and each piece, no matter how small, will still contain the entire image. This reveals what is perhaps the most mysterious aspects of parts and wholes: as physicist Henri Bortoft says, "Everything is in everything."

pronto!

What keeps me going after a long day (there are many, or two, variations as to a 'long day', it could either be satisfying or draining):-

1. God

2. reading stories after stories of people who are really out there doing something for Him

3. people (usually unnamed) doing kind deeds

4. just watching the world go by and realise my existence and purpose in this whole system

What kept me curious:

Watching this tough rough guy sitting alone in the food court, amidst the noisy crowd, and he lowered his head and said a long grace,

...then he opened his beer cans.

those yesterday feelings

this is me here, typing out paragraphs after paragraphs, 26 alphabets rearranged again and again to form meaning, albeit too much emotions. then i thought "maybe this should not be here", so i pressed 'delete' and this is what you see. typical?

jelly beans and rice

and so i attempt to pen(type) down details for as much as i can remember. but time itself is finite, we only have this much.

can you hear april sounding? this friday is Good Friday. this week proves to be a crucial week for many, i myself is no exception. but i want to be better.

A quarter of 2010 sliced away, and i ask myself- what do i do to make it worth? He tells me the answer. and, the past three months have been superb

i'm determined.
i'm determined not to run solely on emotions again, ever.
"the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart."
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quietly i wait.

crossing out the different tasks achieved. relieved, that in hindsight, i've left it all behind. like tearing off the pages you made a mess on, it gives you great comfort to know that the book is still pretty much very thick for you to fill in later on.

oh but don't tear too much on impulse

haitch

" And there are always people who find their lives have become so unsupportable they believe the best thing they could do would be to hasten their transition to another plane of existence.

It's like the people who believe they'll be happy if they go and live somewhere else, but it doesn't work that way. Wherever you go, you take yourself with you."